Baby steps…

It’s 2018 and I said that I would cherish every single moment, no matter how good or how bad. Because in 2017, I felt that I went through life for the sake of it, and simply “passed through the motions”. When I try to think about anything significant, nothing comes to mind except of course, Japan.

So I think it’s really time to sit down and be present, to be in the moment. I want to live every moment, enjoy every minute, learn something new every day and live to remember it all.

The moment the year started, it’s been crazy hectic, pushing for deadlines every other hour. I’ve not been sleeping that well, but I can safely say that I’m truly being present. I’ve tried my best to secure as much as possible and do my best in whatever circumstance that have been presented, and I’m quite proud of myself.

In the past three days, I’ve been to three different ice cream cafes and had a wonderful bonding time with my mum! I tried a lot of new things that I wouldn’t have tried on a normal basis. I used the time to try and make up for lost time, because I’ve just been so down and rude to my mum lately that I feel quite bad about it. But I enjoyed myself a lot, and I needn’t consider the monetary strains because sometimes life is about enjoying the simple pleasures. 🙂

Also one thing that I’ve learned from 2017 is that, whatever it is, there’s no point panicking and crying. Crying won’t get the job done. But I still have a long way to go before I can use what I’ve learned and put it to practice.

Today (5/01/18 – Friday) has been a wreck, there was so much going on that I couldn’t keep up. I had to meet my group mates for our PR (Public Relations) group work, rush off to print my field assignment (FA2) article due at 12pm (Feature Writing), attend French class, practice my radio show for the live assessment, make my way to Queensway Shopping Centre for dinner, then finally attend JE Homes (ACTS church cell group) at holland Village and finally, return home!

There is a point to this story; I’m not simply writing this down for a “dear diary” moment. During the midst of everything, I forgot to remain calm. In the morning, I had received 5 requests from my friends (and course mates) to help them print their FA2 articles. All of them were at home, either having overslept or couldn’t make it in time for the 12pm submission. I had agreed because I knew they didn’t have much options and also because I would want someone to help me out too if I were ever in that situation. I rushed to print the articles with a lot of stress, weight, and burden on my shoulders.

The thing is, I don’t mind helping people. I just mind the fact that I’m responsible for someone else’s grades, and if I print wrongly or submit wrongly or submit late, then it’s my fault. It was so stressful because I had five other people’s grades in my hands and I didn’t want to let anyone down. It was a miracle that I managed to print with barely enough time to spare. But when I was double-checking the quantity, I realised I had a missing essay. At that point I didn’t know what I could do; I checked everywhere, the printers, the counters, the trash, I even asked the ladies working at the printing centre to help me find my friend’s missing essay. I was torn because I didn’t have time to reprint the whole essay since the queue was really very long and I was starting to feel anxious. I couldn’t risk the grades of four other friends so I ran off from the printing store and rushed to the submission office. Not to mention, the pavements were slippery and wet earlier in the day because it was raining so heavily. I had no choice but to run in the rain.

At that point, I was already feeling pretty upset because I couldn’t submit the last article and I was also going to be late for submission. I reached the office at 11.59am but of course, the time stamp has to be 6 minutes fast. And also because I had to forge four different signatures, write their full names and student numbers, I was really frustrated. I thought that if I had more time, I could’ve done it. I thought that if five people didn’t ask me, I could’ve managed well enough, even with an extra one or two articles to print.

I was very upset and had a breakdown in the lift full of people (this is probably one of the most embarrassing things since forever). I had broke down when I saw another friend of mine enter the lift. I told him to call (x) and tell him I couldn’t submit his article because something went wrong with the printing. I felt responsible for the whole thing and it made me feel a lot worse than before.

In hindsight, I really should’ve just stayed calm and looked at the situation clearly. I don’t know what I could’ve done to make things better, I don’t know what I would’ve done differently. But, I had to learn from experience and do better the next time.

And I wanted to remember every bit of today because I felt that it would be important for me to look back on a week, a month, or a year later. I want to remember and cherish every moment, even if it’s bad. I want to always learn something new every day. And I didn’t expect this to turn into a grandmother story but I guess I got carried away. I am sorry but I feel quite relieved now that all the anguish is out. I know it isn’t easy but I know I’ll be able to stay calm and assess the situation easily one day. Slowly but surely, baby steps…

To end of the day, here’s some of my badly taken photos to celebrate the three ice cream cafes in three days!



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